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Ageing and Sexual Health

Lots of men come to me with a coyish look  and  ask ” Though I am 45 now but still I thought there must be some years left to enjoy my sex life” !!


Too many misconceptions exist regarding the age till one should have sex . These beliefs get reinforced by the commonly found reduction in sex desire with the passage of time in a couple. Does it mean that men tend to have lesser desire as they age? The answer is “NO” .

It is only the instant desire for your partner that goes down with time , the one present when you were in 20’s . It is probably due to habituation , a phenomena of reduced response of pleasure and arousal with the same stimulus over a period of time. People get more arousal with newer stimuli so chances of extra marital relationships increase . Surely the desire doesn’t go down as such .


What actually happens is that response of body to sexual cues change . You can enjoy sex as much as you wish and till any age as you can keep yourself physically and mentally fit. Of course you need to have a equally responsive and physically fit partner as well .


It is a very important to understand these changes because a large number of couples suffer in silence in the four walls of their bedroom  , many of them develop anxiety, frustration or negative self esteem . NO WONDER Many couples coming to me describe their relationships like a brother and sister over the last few years.


Changes in desire– Frequency of sex is maximum in the initial 6 months to 2 years of marriage. It starts declining after that . Some of the decline is due to nitty and gritty of every day life , plans  to extend the family , financial burden and family burdens . Sex no longer occupy the privileged place in the list of everyday priorities, rather is pushed to the last chore to be done after everything else is finished . so people find that they no longer feel that passion for sex . You can’t have passionate feelings for something you don’t value. so the possible reason for perceived reduction in sex desire is due to misplaced priorities, not the real numbers .


In fact a lot of people have increased desire due to a release phenomena. Many rate sex after age 40 as the best of their lives .
Sounds crazy!!!!!! But it is a fact . Getting rid of worries of settling kids, stable finance and no worries for pregnancy can make women enjoy sex of lifetime after 50 . There are factors other than ageing alone who can kill desire like stress, low testosterone, high prolactin or some medicines causing side effects.


Effects on Arousal – Arousal is the process of preparing for sexual inter course


Men get erect penis and women have lubrication in vagina. Ageing have some changes on the response. Men will take longer to get ready , degree of hardness is lesser, it will need more direct stimulation as compared to 20’s when a fleeting thought would get the system ready to fire. Too many patients come to me for treatment so that they can perform like they used to do in 20’s . Well folks, it is impossible. It is useless to search for “that hardness” because you only need to enter , not drill inside. In fact, delayed response can be a great advantage.

People get better and better in the art of love making with experience and if they get time to utilise their expertise , the results are terrific. Another change is the persistence of hardness. It gets to wax and wane a bit during the whole episode of intimate moments but you are able to complete without a fuss . So don’t panic at the sight of slightest loss of hardness. It is transitory most probably . You better focus on the pleasure .


Effects on Ejaculation–  It is the process of ejecting semen from urinary canal. It is associated with extreme pleasure (orgasm or climax) and contraction of pelvic muscles . With ageing, the volume of semen will be lesser, the force of expulsion  of semen is reduced, the duration and degree of pleasure may be reduced but it can be compensated by your increased repertoire of ways to find pleasure .


Latency- Men are programmed by nature to experience one sex cycle at a time which consists of desire, arousal, ejaculation and resolution . Last stage is the process where all the extra blood pooled in genitalia goes back to main blood circulation. They can have another erection only after complete recovery. Time taken to recover fully can vary a lot in person to person and in the same person from time to time. But this time increases steadily with age . It means you need more time to get ready for next peace of action . For some it may be in days . It can be very frustrating if you keep on expecting the response you had many years back so if you adjust your expectations accordingly and don’t equate sex with intercourse, you will have much better sexual life .


Orgasm– The duration of climax  also reduces from 10-14 seconds to 3-5 seconds and intensity also a bit milder but you can improve your experience by varied fore play.

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